what i ate today: 

ideal protein caramel crunch bar
sugar free jelly belly gummi bears  
6 inch ham and cheese sub from subway with mayo, salt, pepper, lettuce
1 can of diet coke, 1 can of diet ginger ale
a few bites from sponge bob alphagetti
4 pop tarts
2 pizza hut bread sticks
dasani water

what i will eat tomorrow:

1 apple
6 strawberries 
2 eggs
1 weight watchers “smart one” 
1 pretzel “thinsation”
1 pita pizza with minimal cheese action
water, water, water
cucumber with calorie-free walden farms dressing 

i’ve never been this fat in my life. i’m pretty. aren’t i? my boyfriend, of a year, and i recently broke up and i’m sure i’ve put on a handful of pounds since. i eat frozen food and carbs and i am a night time snacker. last night at 3:00 am i had a bowl of alphagetti. i am afraid to see myself naked in the mirror and even more afraid of how i afraid i could become. a few months ago i lost quite a bit of weight and put it all back on in a matter of weeks. i have started to get marks on my skin from the my fluctuation and i am mortified by my appearance daily. the most mundane things become complicated because of the way i feel in my own skin. i decided i would keep an online journal, not for others to read, but to hold myself accountable. daily, i will write what i plan to eat, what i ate, and how i feel. i’ll post a photo of myself once a week displaying my progress or lack there of. wish me luck. 

signed, 
Fitta